I was in the grocery store earlier today and ran into an acquaintance I had not seen in a while. She is a local restaurateur and after the initial “Hi, how ya doing”, she asked "how life was treating me" and I said in my usual smart-alec philosophical way, “Well, I prefer to think of it as ‘How am I handling the life I have created for myself?’”
She seemed to like that smart-alec comment and I just grinned and told her life is good. She, then, stated she was rather stressed out and knew she shouldn’t let herself get that way, but it was all about “what” was going on around her. I was not, at first, clear about what “what” was, but she clarified by saying “Oh you know, business isn’t as good...”
 And that was just the opening my poor pea-brained philosopher needed. I went over close to her and said in a lowered voice, “ You know, you can’t take it personally, because nothing is personal. This is something I have been learning lately, that No Thing is personal. It is very freeing to learn this and realize how true it really is.”
She nodded and smiled with interest and said, “You know, I think that is true. I just get so upset and stressed out and then my poor husband doesn’t know what to do.” I said, “Yeah, then you take it out on him, but it isn’t personal for him, either, yet he might take it that way?”
She laughed and said, “You’re right, I’ll have to think about that. I like that...” And we went on our merry shopping ways.
I remember, as a girl, I would get teased a lot by other kids and I’d come home crying to “mommy” and she would always say, “Don’t let them get your goat!” Well, I wasn’t sure where my “goat” was, but I knew I had to work on keeping my goat safe from all the teasing. I wasn’t very successful all those years, until the last several years, when I realized that “all those years” it was the exact same thing as, “Don’t take it personally”!
So, in my contemplative meditational journaling, I struck up a conversation with myself and realized that anything and everything that comes our way, from outside ourselves, has absolutely nothing to do with us. Just think, if no one took anything personally, the whole “victim” thing would disappear. But everything we do, say, think, or feel comes only from within us and if more people took responsibility for everything they do, say, think or feel, we all would be harder to “victimize” — which no one can actually do anyway, if we do not let them!
The crux of the matter is, that we are the only ones responsible for our actions — and reactions. No one else controls how we deal inside with what is happening from outside ourselves.
No Thing is personal. I am sure you’ve heard of “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? It’s true — especially, if we are trained correctly from childhood to realize that the bully who is calling you “short and ugly” has a verbally abusive parent — and he or she is taking it out on you. That’s all it is.
Now, if the bully is physically hurting you, this is another matter, although it is still the same basic premise. This came up on the Oprah show recently, about how there seem to be more bullies and more kids committing suicide because they cannot help defend themselves from the bullies. I felt myself somewhat conflicted, having been the brunt of teasing or mild bullying as a kid, but I realized if I had been trained, or taught, to take nothing personal — if I’d been given the confidence I needed to let those comments slide right on past me — I would have been in a totally different state of awareness.
It has taken me this long to get it. “I coulda been a contenda!”
Or a Rocket Scientist?
Maybe a doctor?
At any rate, crimes and bullying and any acts of violence against others, is nothing to consider lightly, but if we could only teach ourselves and our children to take “No Thing” personally, at least verbally and emotionally, we could give ourselves and children the confidence and the freedom to live our lives perhaps the way our universal source intended.
Perhaps, there would be less crime, violence, or at least, less physical and emotional abuse? I realize it’s not as simple as it sounds, but it would certainly be a start. |