My son, Sam, drove away for his second year of college at CSU today. He is a great kid on his way to becoming an even better man. When he was little I had many expectations of him. Be excellent. Think. Do the next right thing. Never panic. Question authority. Pack in, pack out. Now I have just one request. Please wake up in the morning, I beseech him. The world is a better place with you in it.
One day, nature will follow its course, and I will not wake up. As an only child Sam will most likely be the person to clean up after my life, distributing my things, paying my last bills, comforting my friends and having a huge memorial pancake breakfast celebrating my life. He knows to do this because I have left him written instructions ranging from how to cash in my life insurance policy to playing "Take the A Train" before the syrup is poured. I will also leave him instructions on what to do if I linger in a half state kept alive only by technology, so he doesn't spend time wondering if he did the right thing.
 On Wednesday Jill Caritas, a medical social worker from Home Health and Hospice of Mercy, presented the document “Five Wishes”. It is a free booklet that guides you through questions that when they are answered, gives you a way to control how you are treated when you are seriously ill. Once signed properly, it is a legally binding document in 42 states. “Five Wishes” functions as a living will and a durable medical power of attorney as well as a guide to family members. The five sections are: 1. The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can’t 2. The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don’t Want 3. How Comfortable I Want to Be 4. How I Want People to Treat Me 5. What I Want My Loved Ones to Know.
Powers of Attorney and Living Wills are legal documents that are priceless tools. Two years ago when I was the office manager for a law office, a man named Jack came in for help because his wife was terminally ill and mentally incapacitated. I sat in the smooth leather chair next to him as he sobbed into his massive twisted rancher’s hands. Inconsolable, he told me of his frustration that he couldn't do better by the woman who shared his bed, his dreams and their love. He confessed his limited ability to pay and the impossibility of his situation. He said they always meant to draw up their wills and powers of attorney, but just never got around to it. In addition to bearing witness to his wife's slow death, Jack was entangled in protracted legal actions which took him away from her bedside.
At my memorial pancake breakfast I hope Sam tells stories about my guerilla gardening escapades, how I took him to school in my pajamas and winter boots and how we had fun no matter what. He will not be telling stories of attorney’s offices and fees, of how the judge was sympathetic but couldn’t do anything while I wasted away, about how he had to miss so much work that his job is in jeopardy. To this end, I am heeding my own admonition to pack in, pack out. I am cleaning out my stuff, leaving a will, a copy of my “Five Wishes”, my love and an awesome pancake recipe. |